After all the work I’ve done to get rid of my social anxiety, I still beat the hell out of myself sometimes.

I have a VERY active mind, that likes to process and anal-yze everything.

Inevitably it turns on me at some point if I let it run on and on, so I’ve learned how to control it, and still work on upgrading it all the time.

And yeah that’s right…

…Beating ourselves up is just a mental version of Fight Club.

You know – where Ed Norton’s character thinks he’s Brad Pitt (Tyler Durden), and is actually beating the crap out of himself in a parking lot?

And after all the forward progress I’ve made in dissolving my social anxiety in general, I’ll still berate myself at times as if I had the level of social anxiety that I used to have.

You know, that even normal people get social anxiety & shyness.

It’s part of being human for most all of humanity.

So here are some things you might say to yourself as having excessive social anxiety:

I shouldn’t have social anxiety

“I should not be afraid of talking to people!”

“Why is this so difficult for me, when other people have it so easy?  Damn extraverts!!!!”

“I’m such a loser, no one will ever want to hang out with me.”

“I’ll never find a relationship or someone to love me, because my anxiety is so bad.”

(*Add you shitty thoughts about yourself here*)

When you’re caught up in the thick of it all.

Damn, it’s hard, right?

What’s really hard to realize is that these are just more automatic negative thoughts that fuel our social anxiety.


And let’s just forget about social anxiety for a second, if you can.  Everyone does this, beats themselves up, for no good reason.

Other than it’s what we’ve been taught to do.  It’s time to unlearn this junk, don’t you think?

Here’s the thing…things are OK, really.

You’re OK, it may not feel like you’re OK, but YOU ARE OK.


One day, if you keep working at it, your life will be totally different.  In fact it will seem like you’re now living a 2nd life!

That’s been my experience with doing the work to overcome social anxiety.

Just think of it in terms of setbacks.

You’ve just been in one big setback with your social life for a while now, that’s the bad news.

The good news is that setbacks are just that, SETBACKS.

They can be overcome, but you’ve got to be willing to do the work, no one can do it for you.

Wouldn’t it be nice?  Not, gonna, happen.

I invite you to try some things out, the next time you are beating up on yourself up over having social anxiety.

Best done at home, of course.

1) Feel the rawness of the emotions going through you with your next anxiety episode.

Don’t resist them.  Your emotions are probably a mixture of anxiety and depression.  Actually FEEL INTO IT.

Now, I’m not talking about listening to the thoughts, no.

I’m talking about feeling in your body the emotions as they are occurring. Get very visceral about it.

2) Watch The ANTS. 

Either challenge your automatic negative thoughts and let them go, or just let them go if you can, while at the same time doing step one.

3) What do you experience, what happens?

Has anything changed?

Do you see, even if just a glimpse of, some new social possibilities for you?

If not, where did you get stuck?  Take a look.

One thing I can say about having social anxiety is that, to me, there is always a lesson in any adversity.

I’m not talking about this from a Pollyanna perspective.

There is really learning in everything.  And you’ll actually become a master of dealing with your own thoughts and emotions, as well as anxiety…something many people that don’t have this kind of issue, ever get to understand or learn how to do.

It’s pretty counter-intuitive, but if you’re able to shift your perspective this way, new possibilities will most likely open up for you.

If you want to get a handle on this and move forward quickly, you can apply for a Breakthrough Session with me. I do a limited number of these depending on my schedule. It’s only if you really want to move forward though, because we work to get to the root of what’s stopping you, and towards the vision and path you want in life.


P.S. It is NOT right for everyone, but if you feel that having me working with you to guide and side-by-side on a constant basis, giving you a step-by-step system to upgrade your confidence and life to get you to where you want to be, then apply here for a Breakthrough Session now.

    8 replies to "Your Mental “Fight Club” – The Pains Of Beating Yourself Up"

    • Megan

      I have only recently (past year) begun to recognize the extent of my social anxiety. Now that I realize my problem, I beat myself up a lot. I beat myself up to the point where I sometimes feel I am mentally incapacitated. My mind is forever consumed with negative thoughts about my social anxiety and social life. I am happily married at 24, yet I feel so alone when I’m not home. I dread parties, even those where family is present. I have no best friends.
      Frustrating doesn’t even begin to describe it…. Anyway, thanks for the article. I enjoy reading them, as they always seem to come at the perfect time.

      • David Hamilton

        Thanks for posting here Megan. I know it can be tough, and beating yourself up as you know just holds you back. And don’t beat yourself up…for beating yourself up!

    • Dale l

      Hey David,
      Wow ! Perfect timing for this post. Thank you. Setbacks DO suck.. HUGE.. But, I can now see what you mean by gaining more experience by continuing to put myself out there talking to’s the authenticity that can be a big problem.. Almost like people “sense” you have a hidden agenda.. Can be a big downer.
      Recently I have opened up to a couple of acquaintance’s about my s.a.
      My experience both times were awful and I felt judged in a negative manner both anxiety peaks when I know I will see both of them.(my kids sports activities)
      So ” truck on” I will !
      All thanks to yourself , Sean Cooper and Eduard Ezenau
      Warm regards my friend

      • David Hamilton

        Yep those setbacks don’t feel so good. But they really are amazing growth and learning experiences, when handled well. Truck on, is right brother!

    • R.

      hi David,
      it sounds great but I can’t manage around me ant. I know they’re there and put me down, that they’re not real, I tell them to shut up, I send them love…. they’re strong as ever. i need stronger medicine!

      • David Hamilton

        At some level you are not accepting them as just thoughts, and this is a practice that has to happen over time. Especially if you have been doing it for years. I still have plenty of negative thoughts, but I don’t let them control me. 2/3 of our emotions are negative, so negativity is never going away. It is how we handle it in the moment that counts. Also just doing it a few times, or even over a few weeks, or even months, may not be enough.

    • Sara

      Hi David
      Thanks for the great article.
      I’m struggling with negative thoughts every single day.
      What do you think is best blocking these thoughts or switching to positive thinking?

      • David Hamilton

        Blocking really doesn’t work in the long term. Better is to let them go, renounce them or focus on something more rational or positive.

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