You know, I used to feel broken, closed-off and separated from the world all the time.
Even after I broke through social anxiety.
For years I was still up and down in my experience of having a happy life. Chasing and striving and trying to have things outside of myself make me happy – getting the girl, making the money, knowing tons of people (which I do), being in better shape (not that having any of those things is wrong at all.)
But I found out that the idea that having those things will make me fundamentally happy is a losing game.
I no longer see things that way.
Once I stopped thinking that I need to improve, fix anything about myself – things improved without even trying. Because I didn’t need them to improve.
I became a better singer (I’m a musician as a hobby). I got better at tennis because I was more present and took the pressure off of myself. I got more creative ideas for my business without trying.
I even became more natural and smoother in my social interactions, even though I know what I’m doing already – I went to another level of ease. It is like I was able to relax and feel comfortable in my skin on a whole other level.
To where everything flows in conversation with even less effort.
To where it doesn’t matter or not if I start a conversation or make a connection (socially or with a woman as a single guy) – I’m happy either way.
To where it doesn’t matter if a connection goes deeper with someone, if I lead the interaction or stay connected.
It is like I don’t have to worry about whether or not I should be social or not. I just do or I don’t. I can stay in working for two weeks, and not have to go out and warm up anything at all. I can just be social immediately. I can stay quietly.
It is true internal freedom and confidence. My worth isn’t defined by what skills I have, or what I can or can’t do.
It may sound weird and counter-intuitive…and it is weird. It is not normal. I’m the first to admit that.
Many people are struggling inside, even those without social anxiety. I used to be one of them. First is was overcoming social anxiety. Then it was overcoming “standard human misery.” Which is striving to get happy by things outside of ourselves.
Here’s the secret, that I heard for years but never believed it was true since I began to experience it with consistency each day…
You are already confident and happy underneath. I am, you are, we all are.
We aren’t taught this kind of thing growing up, that well-being, calmness and relaxation is actually our default state of mind.
That confidence is actually natural. Just like babies are totally confident and 100% themselves.
As we grow up from that baby who doesn’t think about what others think, those of us that became shy and anxious around people have our confidence get covered over.
Our natural inner confidence gets covered over by all kinds of negative conditioning and influence – whether it is our environment, our parents, early experiences at school.
It actually doesn’t matter how or why it happened.
There are only two things that matter:
1) Natural confidence and happiness are still underneath, you don’t have to learn it (you just need to learn how to see how the negative thoughts that create social anxiety occur in the human experience)
2) You can change it and uncover that confidence and happiness with the RIGHT understanding
This is why I have put the knowledge of these two keys to work in the powerful core confidence mindstate that I teach (or rather transfer over the wisdom of it) to people just like you who are struggling with social anxiety (like I used to) throughout my group mentoring programs and in working with people in one-on-one confidence coaching programs.
There is hope. That hope is inside of you to overcome social anxiety and shyness.
Happiness and confidence live inside, not out there.
Keep looking in this direction and you will see it.
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