So on Monday I made a screw up.
I sent out the re-launch notice for the Overcoming Shyness and Social Anxiety course (formerly known as Dissolve Social Anxiety) one day early.
I’m not trying to go on and on about it, but I have a powerful story about transforming negativity that relates to it as you read on.
People started buying and I was freaking out because I didn’t know if they had access or not, so I sent out an extra email.
Fortunately I heard from my friend Deonesea at DailyOM and she said we were all good.
I was really HAPPY. Especially because then I have a more complete resource that people can purchase from all over the world that can fit what they can afford.
I did it for the reason of giving.
And then this email came in:
“Do you really think people don’t see through your shitty sales tactics?
Sent from my iPhone”
Ouch, that hurt.
Because it was the furthest thing from the truth. It’s just my ego that got hurt, because of course this comment isn’t really about me.
True – I should have been more diligent and checked to see if the date was correct. I take responsibility for that.
There’s been a lot going on over here, and sometimes I miss things. Of course, I wanted to rail the guy.
I won’t even tell you what ran through my head – because it’s not important.
So here’s what I sent back.
“I’m sorry you feel that way. If you knew me you would know this wasn’t that. Please Unsubscribe if you wish. Best of luck with everything.”
That’s the “proper” way to respond, more or less right? I mean I didn’t even tell him to go away. I did invite him to leave, which is also inviting him to stay – leaving him with choice.
Why would I do that?
COMPASSION, that’s why.
And the mindset piece is what’s most important here, that I want you to see.
Here’s how I think of it and closer to what is actually going on, so it will help you when someone makes a rude, ungrounded comment and chooses to attack, not because of you, but because of them.
Here’s how I thought of it:
“I’m sorry you feel that way. I realize you are very hurt inside and lashing out is all you can do to feel better right now.
I have compassion for you because I’ve been there too, and so I’ll take the higher road, because I love myself enough not to lash out at you, which will maybe make me feel good for the moment, but more negative overall in the end.
This doesn’t help the world either if I do this, so I’ll have compassion and love for you anyways, my friend.”
Do I always come from this perspective?
I’m not perfect, but I really do come from this position most of the time as much as I can.
Yes, negative thoughts still rush in and make me wanna beat a mofo up.
But then I feel how bad the anger feels and let my mind settle, let it go, and let my mind training take over.
I know the effects of negative thoughts and statements whether in my head or sent or said.
And I end up feeling really bad in the long run and victimize myself.
I know my attack will come back on me, as his will on him as he does this throughout his life which contributes to his negative mindset which is all tied into his shyness and social anxiety.
Same goes for all of us – you and me included.
Been there, done that and I won’t go back to living that way.
It’s part of an entire negative mindset this guy is living from. Thought by thought we create our emotional experience which greatly affects our behaviors and how we interact with others.
So for entirely selfish reasons for you, I encourage you to start working with these mindsets of deeper understanding when you feel attacked or hurt by someone that lashed out at you.
And this one I made example of today is very mild. I’ve received far worse.
There’s an entire module in the Overcoming Shyness and Social Anxiety course on DailyOM which is all about Compassion (Module 6) – and has several exercises to help you with it.
Click here to read about and sign up for the course here:
You can sign up for as little as $10 – $25 suggested if you can. It’s a really comprehensive self-study course of 12 modules, this really isn’t a $10 course but again I wanted to make it accessible to everyone.