By David Hamilton, Confidence Coach
When watching this video, it is best to turn off all other distractions,
relax and let your mind absorb the information.
Video #1: "8 Areas I Didn't Pay Enough Attention to When Learning to Be Socially Confident"
Video Time: 24 minutes In this video I talk about the mistakes I made and what I didn’t pay enough attention to while I was going through my confidence crossover.
I struggle with areas 1 and 6.My main problem is ‘not knowing what to say’ or ‘running out of things to say’ with people.I am abnormally quiet and I hate that!
Thanks so much for sharing your experiences of your ‘confidence crossover’. I hear the passion in your voice for what your intending to do and it warms me. Some great advice.
I felt like a number of the points resonated with me. Especially *6 and *8. I feel like Bonnie in that sometimes in a painc to say something/’right thing’ I’ll come out with something abit on the stupid side(which doesn’t make me stupid) and beat my self up for it. In turn i think people are judging me as a whole for what ive said and so i’ll keep schtum from then on. This then leads to me pushing people away so they can’t ‘judge me’. Isolating myself further… Its definitely time for a new way of looking at things.
Exactly, it’s all in the mind, you’re not really stupid, or weird or any of that. And whether or not people are judging you, it’s your thinking that stops you up. Keep at it Mo!
area #3 is what I struggle with a lot and it seems hard to let people more into your life not only because SA makes it hard but because it feels like : Man, other people have more memories or funny stories to tell than me because I missed many oportunities.
I struggle with the last one. The fear of people judging me. It’s always on my mind and I can’t shake it. I have a buddy helping talk me through it, but everything I do, everyone around me is judging it. They are making fun of me behind my back— or so I think. I know I shouldn’t feel like this but I do. Nice video bro!
David, such a great video! It really stuck out to me that going out to places more seemed to make a better impression of yourself rather than just being “present.” I never realized that it was just as important to have time set up for friends rather than just engage in small talk daily. I’ve never really experienced seeing others find value in this time, so I’ve never really really known of its value until after watching your video. When you started to invite people or go out to other places, did you feel a sense of awkwardness or anything, and how did you combat that if you did?
Wow, i respect and appreciate that you put out such high-quality information. I see it as high-quality because i have worked with other social coaches and read books on being better with people and its rare to find practical and down-to-earth ideas like these.
Now i want to share some feedback on the video. The introduction came across to me as robotic and inhuman or unpersonal. It was just the introduction though, once you started on your 1st point the roboticness disappeared.
I struggle most with beating myself up over a lot of what I say. I am afraid I sound stupid at times. I’m a bit awkward and shy so I push myself to talk at times and I am not sure if what I am saying always makes sense. I’m not dumb, just a little out of it sometimes.
Bonnie – I know everyone here can relate to what you are saying, great for you to share this! You’re exactly right, people with extreme shyness and social anxiety aren’t dumb, it’s just that it is so easy get caught in anxious thoughts, and that affects behavior to come out as awkward, anxious and more.
I was pondering this during the day and came up with more struggles: I am unsure that the things that interest me will interest the next person. I am a bit quirky. Also, the stress of social conversation can make me tired and I am not always aware of negative facial and expressions and body language. At a party, I would almost prefer to talk just a bit with others and then be able to be in their company without feeling like I must talk.
David, thank you so much for this website. I am so grateful for you and for the work you do and the resources you provide. I have struggled with social anxiety and depression for a long time. I hope with your resources I will be able to work through my issues (as exhausting as it can be).
You are welcome Cindy! I hope so too. Keep going and don’t give up – there’s hope and you can do this.
Thank you for this. Great video on all points. My biggest area is #6, specifically as it related to women, and trying to communicate/relate to those women whom I find appealing. I am not at all a shy person — but I have tough time trying to get a conversation with women going into second or third gear or have things develop. I’m tired of being stuck in the Friend Zone.
I hope that I am saying is clear. I feel like such a failure in this area.
I hear you GT. It is common for a lot of guys. That is where point #1 always applies, trying to hard to be attractive or do the right moves often gets in the way of not only being social, but moving things forward with women.
Some good points/tips here David.
I still find myself very much focusing on my anxiety symptoms and I struggle to get outside my head and focus externally.
Any tips for reducing self consciousness? (This seems to be my biggest difficulty).
Hi Darren – yes that is a common problem. Looking in the opposite direction of Area #8 is a great place to head. Easier said than done sometimes, of course it takes practice. In the next video, I have some good tips that connect with reducing self-consciousness. I am planning to do a Q&A video in the series too, so I will try to go more in depth in that video. Great question man!