Here’s a little SECRET about something I discovered about this lonely and separate feeling. Even AFTER I broke through social anxiety and could be social without any problems…
I used to feel broken, closed-off and separated from myself and the world all the time!
That’s what I thought and I was really surprised I could still feel so disconnected from my own happiness and like the world didn’t understand me even though my shyness was gone.
For years, I was still up and down in my experience of having a HAPPY life.
Chasing and striving and trying to have things outside of myself make me happy…
i.e. getting the girl (or guy), making the money, knowing tons of people (which I do), OR being in better shape.
Not that having any of those things is wrong at all, but chasing then will never make anyone happy.
But I found out that the idea that having those things will make me fundamentally happy is a losing game.
It’s why you see famous people or celebrities sometimes end their lives, because they are in so much pain even when they seem to “have it all.”
Because happiness just doesn’t work well at all, when we chase it.
In fact, happiness RUNS AWAY from you when you chase it.
I no longer see things that way.
Once I stopped thinking that I need to improve, fix anything about myself – things improved without even trying.
Because I didn’t need them to improve.
I became a better singer (I’m a musician as a hobby).
I got better at tennis because I was more present and took the pressure off of myself.
I got more creative ideas for my business without trying.
Even though I was already really good, I even became more natural and smoother in my social interactions, even though I know what I’m doing already – I went to another level of ease.
It is like I was able to relax and feel comfortable in my skin on a whole other level.
To where everything flows in conversation with even less effort.
To where it doesn’t matter or not if I start a conversation or make a connection (socially or with a woman as a single guy) – I’m happy either way.
To where it doesn’t matter if a connection goes deeper with someone, if I lead the interaction or stay connected.
It is like I don’t have to worry about whether or not I should be social or not. I just do or I don’t. I can stay in working for two weeks, and not have to go out and warm up anything at all.
I can just be social immediately. I can stay at home quietly.
I’m good either way.
Hey…and not that I don’t get lost in thought or upset sometimes, I absolutely do.
But even then when it’s happening, I realize IT’S ALL OK.
It is true internal freedom and confidence from within because my worth isn’t defined by what skills I have, or what I can or can’t do.
It may sound weird and counter-intuitive.
And it is well…WEIRD.
It is not normal for most of society, to feel OK no matter what, because that goes against our conditioning.
I’m the first to admit that.
It’s also pretty amazing, I’m not gonna lie.
Many people in the world are struggling inside, even those without social anxiety.
Maybe hard to see when you are so anxious and nervous around people.
But it’s really true.
I used to be one of them.
First it was overcoming social phobia or social anxiety.
Then it was overcoming “standard human misery.”
Which is striving to get happy by things outside of ourselves.
Here’s the secret, that I heard for years but never believed it was true since I began to experience it with consistency each day…
You are already confident and happy underneath.
I am, you are, we all are.
We aren’t taught this kind of thing growing up, that well-being, calmness and relaxation is actually our default state of mind.
That confidence is actually natural. Just like babies are totally confident and 100% themselves.
As we grow up from that baby who doesn’t think about what others think, those of us that became shy and anxious around people have our confidence get covered over.
Our natural inner confidence gets covered over by all kinds of negative conditioning and influence – whether it is our environment, our parents, early experiences at school.
It actually doesn’t matter how or why it happened.
There are only two things that matter:
#1 – Natural confidence and happiness are still underneath, you don’t have to learn it (you just need to learn how to see how the negative thoughts that create social anxiety occur in the human experience.)
#2 – You can change it and uncover that confidence and happiness with the RIGHT understanding. Speaking of which…