Lately I have been diving deep into the subject of how to gain confidence or authentic confidence.low self worth

Though I am listening to some audios and going back to some old material on how to gain confidence, this is a different kind of deep dive.

I am exploring what authentic confidence means not only from an overall standpoint, but even more so, what it means for me, as someone who has struggled greatly with confidence (or lack thereof) all of his life.

Though I have broken out of my shyness, and through social anxiety and awkwardness, there are still areas I struggle with in terms of confidence.

Like being prosperous as a business owner…or in intimate relationships with women.

As I deeply acknowledge all of this each day, authentically as I can, something is shifting within me yet again.

As I declare this to the world and my friends, support seems to come out of nowhere. But it isn’t out of nowhere. It is how things work when we authentically declare where we are struggling and reach out for help.

Deep Acknowledgement

You see, I am insecure about many-a-thing on top of what I mentioned above. I’m insecure about things like my thinning hair, my tiny bone structure for a man (ever since I was a kid I have been insecure about this, I’m 38 now), and the fact I have had a hard time committing to a relationship, just for starters.

We all have things we are insecure about, or don’t like about ourselves. All of us.

But that doesn’t mean we let those insecurities control us.

Even though I can be social with the best of them, I have been deeply curious as to why at times I care about what others think so much (mainly people in my social circles that I know), and how this affects my confidence.

Here are the questions I am asking daily and talking to people about in as many conversations as I can:

What’s the main difference between someone who is authentically confident and someone who is not?

How are they different?

How do they think?

How do they see themselves?

How to gain confidence? What does it really mean for me to be authentically confident?

As I inquire and contemplate as to why I have had confidence problems all of my life (though I have made such great progress), what is slamming me in the face is this:

My sense of self-worth.

(Some might call it self-esteem but I don’t like that term – you can read this article on why.)

I realize I am far from alone in feeling a lack of self-worth in my life. The funny thing is, I can actually feel my self-worth rising as I accept that I have had self-worth issues.

I feel my “why should I care what others think” mindset set into place firmly.

Own Your Insecurities

What is weird is while I still have insecurities, the thoughts of “oh no, what will they think” become unimportant. I can deeply relax into them. The thoughts are there, but my self-worth becomes free of them and shoots up instantly.

It is a really weird experience. But a wonderful one, nonetheless.

It also seems clear that self-worth is entirely defined by me!

Duh. It’s right there in the definition.

It isn’t called “other-worth” it is called self-worth. Only you can, and should, define it.

You can reclaim your self-wroth in an instant. I’m not kidding.

As soon as you realize the stories you are telling yourself are all made up anyways, why would you tell yourself a bad one?

Why would you tell a story that demeans you, makes you small, makes you a victim and doesn’t honor the powerful human being that you are, if you’d only see it?

Time to Tell a New Story

The Dalai Lama was shocked when years ago he heard that Westerners have such a poor sense of self-worth.

Tibetans don’t even have that kind of concept. They don’t understand why you would devalue yourself…hate yourself it makes no sense to them. It isn’t in their cultural story.

So stop listening to that story of poor self-worth.

We all make it up anyway. The stories of our lives.

So tell a story that is full of self-worth, acceptance and confidence, and see what happens. Write it out, experiment, play and know that you are the author of this story.

See yourself as the brilliant person you are, like the king or queen of your own world. You are the ruler of your reality, your perspective.

How is your self-worth right now? What is it on a scale of 1-10?

What story are you telling yourself over and over that creates your sense of self-worth, and is it one you want to keep, change, or throw away and create a new?

Aren’t you worth it to tell a new story that champions you?

I think so. But you have to decide and take the step towards more self-worth and authentic confidence that you can have no matter if you are sitting at home along, or when going out in public.

Authentic confidence should and can happen at all times. It comes from regaining your sense of self-worth.

You deserve it.

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    5 replies to "How to Gain Confidence When You Have Low Self Worth"

    • Leslie

      I clicked the link in the next to last paragraph above “step towards more self-worth and authentic confidence” that opened the page inviting to the Rapid Social Confidence Webinar. Upon completing my name and email address and clicking Register Now button a page returned stating “Mailing List Not Active This mailing list is not currently active.
      Please notify the website owner.”

      You’ve piqued my interest. I’d like to go to the webinar to hear what you have to say in there. Please fix and notify me.

    • Dana

      I meant I have trouble thinking people are like me. That no one will be mean or lie. I’ve of course found that isn’t true but at times I’m still shocked how mean people are today. I’m always known as the quiet one.

      • David Hamilton

        Ah ok, that makes sense. Yes some people are mean, but my experience is that most are not mean. When people are mean, they are really afraid or unhappy underneath. I wonder what your definition of mean is, and what experiences have led you to believe that.

    • Dana

      I have always been super shy. I am a home health nurse. I do well at my job. I can talk normally to my patients. On a social level though I just feel like I get stage fright. I can’t think of anything to say. I have very few friends. I am 48 yrs old and female. My friends are only people I trust and feel like family to me. I have a hard time trusting people. I feel that some people will bully me or be mean to me or talk about me behind my back and don’t talk just socially with people, like people I work with. We just see each other in the mornings in the office and the rest of the time I am on the road. I really do have a lack of self worth. I kind of tell too much about myself to people when I do talk. I just want people to be like me. I am very honest, almost to a fault. I have trouble with people thinking they are like me. But the world today is so crooked and people are too mean. I am slightly paranoid too. LOL. But anyway, thought I would write you a note and see what you can tell me to help me. I just joined your site. I tried joining other sites with people with social anxiety but man they scare me. I am not that bad. I can go to concerts, stores, anywhere really, my only think is I feel better if someone is with me. I won’t eat out alone. Mostly stay home if I have no one to go with me. I have no children. Thanks for listening. Dana Lou.

      • David Hamilton

        Hi Dana – thanks for sharing so openly about your situation. You asked what I could say to help you. First off, it is great that you are honest. However, you will run into problems expecting people to be like you, exactly. You have several beliefs that I think will cut you off from connecting to others.

        On my YouTube channel, I have a video called “Is the world a dangerous place?” where I talk about this. The world is both dangerous, and not dangerous. In reality the world is. How we filter it depends on our beliefs. So you have to ask yourself “how does this belief serve me to believe that the world is full of mean people and crazy?” Right now you may think it is the way the world is, but it is actually your belief. This isn’t easy to take a look at, many people do not, but you seem open to taking a look so I thought I would point that out to you, hoping it will be useful to you.

        Yes the social anxiety forums have some people on their that are positive and forward moving, but unfortunately many are not.

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