Social anxiety is paralyzing for those that have it, and often seems like an insurmountable feeling that you just can’t get over.
It really prevents you from having the happiness and success you desire deep down.
Being social and making real connections with people is very important to you, but just can’t seem to do it.
You probably wonder “why me” or “how did I get this way?”
It makes sense to think like that when you have social anxiety, however thinking like this won’t actually help you in dealing with social anxiety to – dissolve it once and for all.
Thinking negatively just reinforces it, unfortunately; I talk also about this in my 40 page free ebook on social anxiety recovery, too.
So then the question must be asked, “if that doesn’t help me, then how to deal with social anxiety effectively, so I can have my life back again?”
This is a process where you look at the facts of the situation and determine what is rational or realistic about it.
In almost all social situations, people don’t really care what you do.
Just like you are (overly) concerned about what you do, people are concerned about themselves first, it’s just the nature of human beings.
Even if they do judge, they forget very, very quickly. So realizing this is a first step.
Even if something embarrassing happens, it’s how you handle it that counts.
And I’m pretty sure that 99% of the time you aren’t actually embarrassing yourself, you just think you are…and your reaction to your own anxious thoughts and feelings, is what turns them away.
Because you shut yourself off from other people, they shut off from you. You think it’s them, when it’s actually you.
The world is truly your mirror in this regard. So rationalizing things like “even though I sometimes freeze up, or don’t know what to say, I make my best effort to talk to people anyways, because they really don’t care what I do.”
Though rationalizing is a good place to start, mindfulness is at the foundation for learning how to deal with social anxiety and living a great life.
Here’s mindfulness defined simply: a way of focusing your attention so that you are aware of socially phobic thoughts and feelings, without judging yourself for having them.
Without beating the crap out of yourself for being human.
The mindful approach allows negative thoughts to be there, by not fighting with them, while giving you the flexibility and choice to act differently, beyond your feeble mind, and swaying emotions.
Eventually, yes, the anxiety will go down, but the tricky part is not to use mindfulness as a “technique”. Starting with simple meditation or mindfulness exercises in your room is the best way to start to develop your mindfulness.
Then with practice you can bring mindfulness to your life, everywhere you go.
But the true power and depth of this approach comes from not being attached to your thoughts OR your feelings, and learning to see you can behave different than you think and feel.
It is the basis of the character quality of courage, where people that are courageous learn to act in spite of negative thoughts and feelings.
It is the most powerful approach I’ve seen for dealing with social anxiety negative thoughts/beliefs, and for creating an amazing life.
Learning to be courageous and compassionate are two qualities of people that are masters at controlling their thoughts and emotions, by not controlling them but by allowing them to be there and simply pass away.
This method uses simple statements or affirmations when you are very distressed at home with anticipatory anxiety or in a social situation where anxiety is high.
It has to do with calming yourself by saying something like “I can do this” or “I can handle it”. Learning how to do proper breathing is also a big part of this and helps greatly when self-soothing.
However, I will say that with breathing, it shouldn’t be limited to only when one is in distress. Training yourself how to breathe properly at all times is even more fundamental to social anxiety recovery.
Again, awareness and mindfulness practice is key for self-soothing and proper breathing practice, as without being aware of your breath, you can’t intervene to change it. It all starts with awareness.
These three powerful methods should help you on your path in discovering how to deal with social anxiety.
If you want to get on the fast track to dissolving your social anxiety, take some time to read about personal coaching for social anxiety.
Another option is the Dissolve Social Anxiety Home Recovery Program, which is delivered online with full email support.