Got this question in an email from someone the other day:
“David, What if I’m going to look or act weird in a social situation?”
I’ve seen this self-inquiry, or one like it, many times before.
Do you think this is a question that makes you more social…or more afraid?
This question is the wrong question to be asking.
The very fact this person is asking it, is what keeps the social anxiety going on, actually.
It’s not bad or wrong what they are doing, it’s just how this all works.
As I like to say to the participants in the current Social Success Secrets group coaching program:
“That’s the wrong direction to be looking.”
We can take it out even further and say this:
That any “What If” questions generate anxiety, so I suggest you stop asking yourself these types of questions, and stop trying to answer them, too.
A better question to ask would be a curious one.
One like:
“I wonder where they got that watch. I’ll go ask them…”
See the big difference?
One is all about the future and avoiding risk.
“What-if” question questions are all about risk.
When there is no real risk, it is all perceived.
Making up risk that doesn’t exist is not good for being social, the other kind of question is about the present.
A “curiosity-based” question.
Curiosity-based questions are really good to ask yourself.
Anytime you find yourself asking a what-if question get curious and find a question about the present to wonder about.
You could even ask someone about it.
You don’t have to, but see how you could?
That could kill two birds with one stone.
Bird 1: Looking away from the questions that generates anxiety
Bird 2: Starting a conversation with a naturally curious questions.
Both birds killed by the curiosity-based self-inquiry.
Like I know you want to get rid of social anxiety.
I know, I’ve been there my friend.
Anyways, for more on building lasting social confidence, go to:
https://socialexpression.net/dissolve-social-anxiety
-David
