Overthinking and analysis-paralysis ways of processing comes from being a little too smart.
Smart people are definitely into helping themselves overcome struggles and their own personal evolution.
Steve Pavlina who runs a site called “Personal Development for Smart People” wrote quite a long article about how when it comes to getting a new job, rising the ranks, and making money in general is a pretty social endeavor.
As someone who has overcome social anxiety, I understand what he’s saying as someone who doesn’t appear to have had it, though some may feel it is not the most sensitive way to look at it, to be sure.
Here’s what Steve had to say about those that are social and those that are not (WARNING: it’s a bit harsh!):
Both in my own life and in the lives of others, I’ve seen ample evidence to convince me that financial abundance is largely a result of strong social skills and the intelligent application of those skills.
Specifically, this includes the following:
1. Your ability to proactively befriend intelligent, resourceful people and add them to your social network.
2. Your ability to inspire people to refer helpful opportunities to you (resources, leads, clients, etc).
3. Your ability to serve as a positive source of inspiration and opportunities for others (maintaining win-win connections).
4. Your ability to prune and release dead-weight relationships (avoiding win-lose and lose-lose connections).
To be very direct once again, people who suffer financially generally make the following social mistakes:
1. They often behave as loners and spend a lot of time alone or with the same few people (social isolationists).
2. They frequently suffer from approach anxiety and low self-esteem, which discourages them from initiating new connections and creating social expansion (social timidity).
3. They clutter their social lives with losers who have little to offer in terms of support, resources, and skill-building (low standards).
4. When they do meet intelligent and resourceful people, they act passively and fail to establish new friendships (lack of initiative).
5. They remain loyal to a pity posse that consistently blocks good referrals with fear, jealousy, or sarcasm (clinginess).
NOTE: people reading this above list have been confusing me for Steve Pavlina! He (Steve) wrote this and I’m sharing what he wrote as an interesting subject to debate.
When you have social anxiety, of course you are not intentionally doing these things. It’s very subconscious and your fear and socially anxious belief system fuel the above behaviors.
But other people don’t see that, and that’s the rub.
MONEY & BUSINESS ARE HERE TO SERVE PEOPLE
Business and industry exists to serve humankind, and while there are some jobs that you can be a recluse with, they are fewer than more.
Even when I worked in Information Technology when I lived in New York City, the “geeky” jobs I had required a ton of personal interaction.
And I have worked with extremely reclusive network engineers, and it’s true they had a harder time getting raises and would be invited to after work functions, because when people tried to invite them and they got turned down, they stopped inviting them.
WHAT YOU GIVE OFF, YOU GET BACK
What you give out, comes back to you. And if you give off the vibe that you want to be left alone, people will leave you alone, even if DEEP DOWN you wish you could connect with them.
How can people get to like you, if they can’t even get to know you…they can’t. You might be labeled as “weird” or “too quiet” even “rude”.
Really sucks doesn’t it? Feels like a never ending loop of anxiety and despair that you just can’t get out of, maybe?
Well it isn’t easy, but it can be done, for sure. I did it and so can you. I talk about all of this in my free ebook 10 Keys to Social Anxiety Recovery.
WE GOT HERE BY BEING SOCIAL
You see, being social is how we got to where we are today. It might be hard to see and feel this now, but people on the whole are helpful and here to help one another.
Yes you get your meanies and grumpies sometimes, but without each other, we wouldn’t have evolved to where we are today.
SOCIAL SKILLS DEVELOPMENT
Although overcoming/dissolving social anxiety is VERY important, I think there is also an art to developing your own social & networking style, and no, you don’t have to be some gregarious, loud person to be really good at it.
I think some of the most important aspects are:
The art of conversation
Of course the underlying cause is primarily thoughts and emotions, and it’s important to seek out confidence-building and social anxiety support for yourself.