I’ve yet to come across a dummy that has social anxiety.
Overthinking and analysis-paralysis ways of processing comes from being a little too smart.
Smart people are definitely into helping themselves overcome struggles and their own personal evolution.
Steve Pavlina who runs a site called “Personal Development for Smart People” wrote quite a long article about how when it comes to getting a new job, rising the ranks, and making money in general is a pretty social endeavor.
As someone who has overcome social anxiety, I understand what he’s saying as someone who doesn’t appear to have had it, though some may feel it is not the most sensitive way to look at it, to be sure.
Here’s what Steve had to say about those that are social and those that are not (WARNING: it’s a bit harsh!):
Both in my own life and in the lives of others, I’ve seen ample evidence to convince me that financial abundance is largely a result of strong social skills and the intelligent application of those skills.
Specifically, this includes the following:
1. Your ability to proactively befriend intelligent, resourceful people and add them to your social network.
2. Your ability to inspire people to refer helpful opportunities to you (resources, leads, clients, etc).
3. Your ability to serve as a positive source of inspiration and opportunities for others (maintaining win-win connections).
4. Your ability to prune and release dead-weight relationships (avoiding win-lose and lose-lose connections).To be very direct once again, people who suffer financially generally make the following social mistakes:
1. They often behave as loners and spend a lot of time alone or with the same few people (social isolationists).
2. They frequently suffer from approach anxiety and low self-esteem, which discourages them from initiating new connections and creating social expansion (social timidity).
3. They clutter their social lives with losers who have little to offer in terms of support, resources, and skill-building (low standards).
4. When they do meet intelligent and resourceful people, they act passively and fail to establish new friendships (lack of initiative).
5. They remain loyal to a pity posse that consistently blocks good referrals with fear, jealousy, or sarcasm (clinginess).
NOTE: people reading this above list have been confusing me for Steve Pavlina! He (Steve) wrote this and I’m sharing what he wrote as an interesting subject to debate.
When you have social anxiety, of course you are not intentionally doing these things. It’s very subconscious and your fear and socially anxious belief system fuel the above behaviors.
But other people don’t see that, and that’s the rub.
MONEY & BUSINESS ARE HERE TO SERVE PEOPLE
Business and industry exists to serve humankind, and while there are some jobs that you can be a recluse with, they are fewer than more.
Even when I worked in Information Technology when I lived in New York City, the “geeky” jobs I had required a ton of personal interaction.
And I have worked with extremely reclusive network engineers, and it’s true they had a harder time getting raises and would be invited to after work functions, because when people tried to invite them and they got turned down, they stopped inviting them.
WHAT YOU GIVE OFF, YOU GET BACK
What you give out, comes back to you. And if you give off the vibe that you want to be left alone, people will leave you alone, even if DEEP DOWN you wish you could connect with them.
How can people get to like you, if they can’t even get to know you…they can’t. You might be labeled as “weird” or “too quiet” even “rude”.
Really sucks doesn’t it? Feels like a never ending loop of anxiety and despair that you just can’t get out of, maybe?
Well it isn’t easy, but it can be done, for sure. I did it and so can you. I talk about all of this in my free ebook 10 Keys to Social Anxiety Recovery.
WE GOT HERE BY BEING SOCIAL
You see, being social is how we got to where we are today. It might be hard to see and feel this now, but people on the whole are helpful and here to help one another.
Yes you get your meanies and grumpies sometimes, but without each other, we wouldn’t have evolved to where we are today.
SOCIAL SKILLS DEVELOPMENT
Although overcoming/dissolving social anxiety is VERY important, I think there is also an art to developing your own social & networking style, and no, you don’t have to be some gregarious, loud person to be really good at it.
I think some of the most important aspects are:
The art of conversation
Persuasion/Charm
Public speaking
Networking
Leading effectively
Emotional Intelligence
Of course the underlying cause is primarily thoughts and emotions, and it’s important to seek out confidence-building and social anxiety support for yourself.
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4 replies to "Are You Losing Money Because Of Your Social Phobia?"
When you add in the costs and benefits analysis you do here it can be really disheartening indeed!
Very interesting blog that I hope will be helpful for me in dealing with some of what I’ve been going through lately. Keep up the good work,
-JTR
Yes, it is kind of disheartening, for sure. BTW that list is what Steve Pavlina wrote, not me. I wanted to share it because I think it’s quite an interesting perspective! Though not the most sensitive way to look at things.
Interesting topic!
Some of the things do ring true: if you want to pay bills, you have to work which requires you to be social. It’s a hard pill to swallow but it is true. However, the level of social interaction will change from person-to-person, industry-to-industry. There are exceptions to the rules: look at Kim Basinger, Donnie Osmand, and other celebrities (surprisingly, a lot of athletes) with SA that are rich. I just wouldn’t want someone to read this article, get overwhelmed, and give up: even if it is true on some level As someone who is about a month into therapy, I take the message with a grain-of-salt and use it to motivate me to keep going with therapy and improving (especially during a very difficult week).
Good examples there indeed! Unfortunately I think they are the rarer cases, likely due to their talent/star status. But they didn’t suffer any less from their SA. I’ll bet because of being in the spotlight that their social phobia bet it got even worse for them because of the amount of attention they received.
If you’ve been watching my videos and reading my blog for a while…you’ll know that I’m the last person to discourage people in recovering from their social anxiety :). As I’ve said in the article – if I’ve overcome it – so can you! Hope
I’d never want to discourage anyone, and I hope no one gets discouraged reading it as there is plenty of stuff out their that is discouraging. Unfortunately, I’m one of the few people that understand this disorder from the inside of it, just like yourself. I’m glad you are using the post to motivate you instead, that is the right attitude for sure.
I’m sorry to hear you had a difficult week, perhaps some setbacks. But I’m very glad you are seeking help and seeing a therapist! Keep it up, you will make it if you don’t give up.