WARNING: This is the longest thing I have ever written. And the most passionate. But there is some powerful stuff in here if you want to be inspired, and invited to a powerful experience.
Authenticity. I find it is a really tricky thing to talk about.
Easier said than done, right?
But what if there was no other way than to be authentic? What if that was the only choice you should make?
I got off a coaching call today with one of my coaches that had me in tears. Awesome tears.
This is basically what he said to me:
“David – one thing I see about you is you have this strong desire to be 100% authentic, that some people don’t have. You are so real and you can get so naked in conversations. It is truly a gift you have.”
He nailed it. It has been my greatest desire, and greatest point of pain in my life – the search for being truly authentic. This has been an even bigger struggle than social anxiety or shyness for me, the striving for authenticity – underneath it all.
It has been something others have also told me I am, but I still struggle it with more often than not. I think that struggle is ending however, and it is why I am sending this email.
My coach saw this authenticity in me as a gift and he had me feel that. I saw that too, but I also saw something else through his words.
*A Lifetime of Striving*
I saw that I have been striving with my desire for way too long to be authentic. I already am authentic.
There is nothing to do to be authentic. It is just thoughts and beliefs that cloud it up and get in the way of the idea that I am not authentic.That YOU are not already authentic.
You are already authentic too. You can’t not be.
However, I do know the experience of not feeling authentic in my expression. Self-expression is how we communicate and how others around us feel our authenticity (or not).
Expression is in the name of the blog, because it is that important to me. I could have called this blog any number of things around social anxiety, shyness and confidence. But I didn’t I used the word expression, because I have always understood it’s ultimate importance in being confident.
This is about more than overcoming social anxiety and shyness. It is about living an authentic and alive life socially and otherwise.
That is why my site is called Social Expression.
*Being 100% Authentic by Example*
So I am going to lay out why I think it is so important to be 100% authentic in expression.
100% authentic doesn’t mean you just say whatever you are thinking, or that you have to be radically honest. It does mean that what is in your heart, and in your soul you won’t stuff it down. It doesn’t mean you only speak your truth and you should hurt others with it, although sometimes that is a possibility.
It means being true to yourself and your life. That is what authenticity means to me. No matter what others think.
Better than that, I am going to be 100% authentic about what I’m thinking, feeling and my desires with you here in this post. I have a strong desire that I am not going to hold back on, even if I lose some people from this community because of it.
Even if it offends them or they get pissed off at me, I can’t hold back because I believe in what I’m saying here so much.
Being authentic here means demonstrating by example and putting myself out there in a way that some people may really not like. Some will like it, others won’t care, some will get upset.
That’s the name of the game when you put yourself and what you believe out there. That is the name of the game of being a human in the tribe.
*My Authentic Desire to Help You*
I am a full-time professional coach if you didn’t know that by now.
I started off this site with free content to help others on the same journey of beating shyness and anxiety like I was on.
Then is turned into the Dissolve Social Anxiety course.
Then into one-on-one coaching.
Then into group programs.
This site and these courses are not put up by someone who does coaching part-time or on the weekends. I do personal development and coaching 110% of the time.
I live and breathe it. I am a professional and not just another internet marketer selling a social anxiety product.
I am in deep and change-oriented conversations with people all day, almost every day of the week. I am constantly studying and upgrading because…
I absolutely love it.
*Genuine and Selfish Love*
That is the main reason I do what I do, quite selfishly. It just so happens it really helps others, too. That’s an amazing side benefit.
But I’d be lying if I said I was into this just to help others. There is something about deep, life-changing conversations that I enjoy in the deepest part of my soul. I used to work in information technology and it was fun.
But it is nothing like this.
It’s better than sex, even.
(OK, not ALL the time, but you get what I am saying here.)
I love understanding the nature of the human mind. I love trying to see the nature of reality and the universe. I love getting what I want, and helping others do the same, so they feel alive and fully themselves, without thought, without judgment.
I also love helping people with social anxiety and shyness see how their mind is generating it, and a whole other life free of it that is possible.
I love seeing people like you step into their confidence in starting conversations with co-workers, asking women on dates, flirting with men or enhancing any kind of social relationship that is out there.
But I have a confession to make, in being honest with you. I almost shut down this site, and quit doing social confidence coaching earlier this year.
*Why I Almost Quit Social Expression (Full Disclosure)*
Earlier this year I wanted to give up this entire site, the YouTube Channel, the Facebook page – all of it.
I really was struggling with the fact that you are struggling and I almost couldn’t take it anymore.
It is uncomfortable to me to admit this to you, but I know I have to say it. Because it reminded me of why I used to struggle so much with social anxiety, and I couldn’t bear it for some reason. Maybe I was afraid I’d snap back into it. I really don’t know.
I realized it is why people on the social anxiety forums, leave the forums once they overcome social anxiety. It isn’t always easy to get emails from people in pain, sometimes begging and pleading for my help.
And then I saw it all. Then I woke the fuck up.
I saw how my being upset, struggling against the help you might be seeking was all created by my own thoughts just like my social anxiety used to be when it ran my life.
I saw how earnestly people like you are doing their best to overcome this condition, and that I could really help (and have helped many people already.)
Like I always tell people, don’t give up – I had to tell myself that.
“Don’t give up on you, David. Don’t give up on THEM. Keep going.”
First I had to get OK with where I was at. Then I had to get OK with where shy and anxious people were at on their journey. I had to get back that loving feeling, as they say.
I had to stop fighting it, to stop resisting the negative thinking I had about the struggle you guys are experiencing and open up understanding and compassion in my heart again.
In those moments, I saw that I have an ability to help people not only because I have been through it, but that I also have worked hard to develop amazing coaching skills.
I kept getting emails telling the difference my site has given people, and above all it has given people hope. I read those emails which gave me hope to get back in the confidence coaching game.
I saw how I can help people – even more so than before – with overcoming social anxiety, learning how to have conversations, be authentic, to get dates, get promoted, get a new job, go to social events with their partners, and establish relationships, on and on.
I was RENEWED in passion to help SA and shyness sufferers overcome this.
*An Authentic Invitation to the Mentoring Program*
I am jumping out of my skin and I cannot wait to start the Social Success Secrets Mentoring program. It starts tomorrow. With our first call on Sunday all about laying the foundations of natural, social confidence, I am even more excited for that.
I have never been more passionate about running a group mentoring program like this one.
This is the fifth time I have run a group like this. It is going to be beyond incredible in helping you stop those negative thoughts that generate anxiety, those worries of judgment from others, to learn the social skills you need or want to further develop, to dive deep into how to make real, authentic connections with others AND yourself in new ways.
It is going to be all that and more. More because of the people that are in it, that bring their own struggles, their own ambitions and their own wisdom to help each other.
I am amazed at how resourceful everyone is when they just get pointed in the right direction, with the right information and support.
*I Want This For You. Question is…Do You Want It?*
If you are ready to take control and want to really accelerate your results in overcoming social anxiety and shyness, and at the same time to build your confidence ability and conversational skills to the next level, I want you in the Social Success Secrets mentoring program.
I know it can help if you come in with an open mind, and take part in your side of things.
Yes – I am talking to you my friend that has read this far down the page.
Others have dropped off by now, but not you.
Because you see a possibility here, you WANT a possibility here for yourself that is beyond what you have been experiencing in your life with major anxiety and shyness.
And you want it all to stop.
You see and feel the possibility of defeating social anxiety and shyness and having the life you want.
You even know you can do it.
It may take time, it may take work, but you know it you can do this, deep down.
Or maybe that’s not exactly right either. Maybe you do really doubt that you can do it.
I get that, and honor that. I have been there and so have many of those I have worked with in beating social anxiety.
I still say it is possible and you can do it. But I can’t see that possibility for you, only you can from where you are right now.
You might even be SCARED. Somewhat excited. Curious even.
And maybe you go between believing you can and not believing in yourself.
But I do.
*Fear Doesn’t Matter. Only What You Truly Want Does.*
Right about now, some people might be thinking “who is this guy to ask me to join his program so directly? Just because he wants me in there? F-him!”
I get that too. If that pisses you off that I asking you so passionately to join a program where you invest money, time and effort (all signs of commitment), then so be it.
If you need to unsubscribe – do it. I understand. I would if this didn’t resonate with me and I was reading it.
My program truly isn’t for everyone. It isn’t for anyone who wants to stay victim to social anxiety and not take control.
It isn’t for someone who wants me to do the work for them. I can’t, it doesn’t work that way. I can guide you powerfully, but you have to show up and do the work.
You can do it, if you want it.
If there is even a tiny resonance with what I am talking about here, and that you really want to beat this social anxiety stuff down, keep an open mind.
(Keep reading. Stay with me.)
*I Still Have Negative Thoughts Too (That’s OK)*
You see, I too have negative thoughts run through my mind too when sending this out, like “what will they think” but it truly doesn’t matter in the end. They are just thoughts and have nothing to do with my true authentic expression.
I am here sending this anyway to you by example to show you how thoughts of judgment don’t have to hold you back.
Because I know telling you about this program and inviting you in passionately is the best expression of where I am at now, and how I can help the most.
You can authentically express your desires and you won’t die. In fact you’ll feel more alive because of it, no matter what others say or what any negative thinking you have in your mind says.
The truth is even when I get negative comments, I get more positive ones than negative.
The negative ones still sting, because I human too, but I move on quickly.
Because living the life I want is far more important.
This is the path of AUTHENTICITY.
*My Mentors Would Scream at Me*
I can even hear my business mentors screaming in my head right now:
“David, you can’t just ask people to enroll because you want them in the program! Just because you are excited? Just because you are passionate? You have to make it all about them only!
You have to provide value and be persuasive in each email! You have to speak to them in their language and you can’t talk about what you want.
You can’t put a bunch of links in an email other than one thing at a time! That will confuse them for the call to action!
And you certainly can’t send this out to your whole list if they didn’t see all your free training, webinar, article etc yet! You can’t do that it won’t work!”
The hell I can’t, I say.
That is why I am not asking any of them to advise me. This is a deep desire in my heart to give you all the resources I have and to impact the lives of as many people as I can by working with them directly through coaching.
This email comes from my heart and that is why I am sending it, to break all the rules, be authentic all levels.
Yes – I’ve been scared in writing this email and pressing send. But screw it.
This is more important than my fears, or thoughts holding me back.
This is about EXPRESSION. Expression that you can have, too. I am being that example, so in the end it is about you.
I am a person and you are a person too. You aren’t just some number on my email list.
You matter and you are part of this community.
Every time I write something I think about you behind the screen. You struggling with SA, and wanting to be able to meet and connect with people everywhere.
So if you want this, I want you in the Social Success Secrets mentoring program.
But only if you do.
*The Value Is Already Here – for FREE*
Here is my entire list of free resources at your disposal.
From these you can access everything that I have.
I have a YouTube channel full of value, all the blog posts here on the site, a free video training, a free webinar, and tons of free stuff.
The value is there. You don’t have to join the program if you don’t want to.
Here they are:
Social Expression Blog Resources:
Social Expression YouTube Channel:
Social Expression Facebook Page:
Skyrocket Your Social Success Video Training:
How to Have Effortless Conversations Webinar:
That is all the free stuff I have. Everything. Go use it all if you believe that will get you there, and everything you need.
(My business mentors are screaming even more, now I just posted all the links to my free stuff in one email, along with promoting a paid program. Screw ’em!)
*Free vs. Investment*
In my experience, there’s a completely different experience of reading posts, watching videos and working with someone directly in a program or investing in powerful training.
The level of commitment is different, like it or not. .
It is why I have spent over $100,000 on my own personal and professional development. I added it all up on a spreadsheet not long ago.
That’s right, $100,000. (Damn, my jaw is dropping too now as I write this.)
But it no accident that the coach I talked to earlier and others say that I am brilliant and authentic.
I have worked really hard, and done the deep inner work to get here and build my confidence and vulnerability to where I am today.
Every penny has been worth it.
When you invest in yourself there is an acceleration that can occur.
(Just read what people are saying on the SSS registration page.)
An acceleration of your growth and results when you show up fully to the calls even if you are afraid, and you are open to what I will teach you inside the program.
The progress you can make when I coach you directly on the calls.
You will feel:
Growth. Some pain probably.
And in the end you’ll get…
You get to interact with my friends and program Ambassadors Brezi and Angie who have worked with me both one-on-one and in group programs, and have gotten great results for themselves because they used my guidance and applied it in their lives.
They have been where you are and are still working on some things themselves but have made major progress in their social lives, just (like I am too) in life.
You get to being in community with positively-minded and forward moving people who want great social lives like you do. Beyond this crappy social anxiety condition that has held you back for too long.
The value is also in my passion and enthusiasm here to support you 100%. I bring everything I have to the table.
It is an insanely low investment for amazing social progress that is going to happen for the participants in the 9-weeks (actually 10 weeks now) of coaching calls, training and interaction in Social Success Secrets.
To see the possibility that you don’t have to let social anxiety rule your world any longer, if you want to accelerate your path and get there sooner than later.
There are all kinds of amazing bonuses with the program, but I am not going to talk about those in this message.
Are results guaranteed? The answer is no. I cannot guarantee results. Because I can’t predict what experience you will have. I can’t know what your level of commitment and current understanding is, or how “all-in” or not you are going to be. Even when people say they are all-in, the true test is to see how all in they are.
But, what I can guarantee is that I show up 100% as your coach and mentor, bringing all my experience in beating this social anxiety condition, and my skillsets to guide you into progress and results.
I am so confident in this program, that you will progress and see results that there is a 60-day money back guarantee if you feel you didn’t learn a thing or make any progress at all.
The lower the expectations you have in joining the program, the better. The less you seek the outcome of overcoming shyness – even though that is what you are here for the better. The more you take the pressure off of yourself the better, better, better!
I am not sure when I am running the next program. I will run one in 2015, but it was a year’s time since I last ran one.
So now is your chance if you want in.
We START the program tomorrow – Wednesday September 10th.
Registration ENDS Friday, September 12 at 6pm Pacific.
This is going to be the best program yet and I wish Sunday was here already for the first call.
We’re at the end, finally. This was my authentic expression, desire and invitation to you, from the heart.
I hope I can work with you to take things beyond your social anxiety, your shyness, and to the next level in your social interactions with people in your life.
But only if you want it.
P.S. If you haven’t yet signed up for the “How To Have Effortless Conversations Webinar” you really should it was the best one yet. You can watch the replay here.
P.P.S. If you have any questions for me about the mentoring program, you can just reply to this email and I will be happy to answer them for you.