Though I am listening to some audios and going back to some old material on how to gain confidence, this is a different kind of deep dive.
I am exploring what authentic confidence means not only from an overall standpoint, but even more so, what it means for me, as someone who has struggled greatly with confidence (or lack thereof) all of his life.
Like being prosperous as a business owner…or in intimate relationships with women.
As I deeply acknowledge all of this each day, authentically as I can, something is shifting within me yet again.
As I declare this to the world and my friends, support seems to come out of nowhere. But it isn’t out of nowhere. It is how things work when we authentically declare where we are struggling and reach out for help.
You see, I am insecure about many-a-thing on top of what I mentioned above. I’m insecure about things like my thinning hair, my tiny bone structure for a man (ever since I was a kid I have been insecure about this, I’m 38 now), and the fact I have had a hard time committing to a relationship, just for starters.
We all have things we are insecure about, or don’t like about ourselves. All of us.
But that doesn’t mean we let those insecurities control us.
Even though I can be social with the best of them, I have been deeply curious as to why at times I care about what others think so much (mainly people in my social circles that I know), and how this affects my confidence.
Here are the questions I am asking daily and talking to people about in as many conversations as I can:
What’s the main difference between someone who is authentically confident and someone who is not?
How are they different?
How do they think?
How do they see themselves?
How to gain confidence? What does it really mean for me to be authentically confident?
As I inquire and contemplate as to why I have had confidence problems all of my life (though I have made such great progress), what is slamming me in the face is this:
My sense of self-worth.
(Some might call it self-esteem but I don’t like that term – you can read this article on why.)
I realize I am far from alone in feeling a lack of self-worth in my life. The funny thing is, I can actually feel my self-worth rising as I accept that I have had self-worth issues.
I feel my “why should I care what others think” mindset set into place firmly.
Own Your Insecurities
What is weird is while I still have insecurities, the thoughts of “oh no, what will they think” become unimportant. I can deeply relax into them. The thoughts are there, but my self-worth becomes free of them and shoots up instantly.
It is a really weird experience. But a wonderful one, nonetheless.
It also seems clear that self-worth is entirely defined by me!
Duh. It’s right there in the definition.
It isn’t called “other-worth” it is called self-worth. Only you can, and should, define it.
You can reclaim your self-wroth in an instant. I’m not kidding.
As soon as you realize the stories you are telling yourself are all made up anyways, why would you tell yourself a bad one?
Why would you tell a story that demeans you, makes you small, makes you a victim and doesn’t honor the powerful human being that you are, if you’d only see it?
Time to Tell a New Story
The Dalai Lama was shocked when years ago he heard that Westerners have such a poor sense of self-worth.
Tibetans don’t even have that kind of concept. They don’t understand why you would devalue yourself…hate yourself it makes no sense to them. It isn’t in their cultural story.
So stop listening to that story of poor self-worth.
We all make it up anyway. The stories of our lives.
So tell a story that is full of self-worth, acceptance and confidence, and see what happens. Write it out, experiment, play and know that you are the author of this story.
See yourself as the brilliant person you are, like the king or queen of your own world. You are the ruler of your reality, your perspective.
How is your self-worth right now? What is it on a scale of 1-10?
What story are you telling yourself over and over that creates your sense of self-worth, and is it one you want to keep, change, or throw away and create a new?
Aren’t you worth it to tell a new story that champions you?
I think so. But you have to decide and take the step towards more self-worth and authentic confidence that you can have no matter if you are sitting at home along, or when going out in public.
Authentic confidence should and can happen at all times. It comes from regaining your sense of self-worth.
You deserve it.
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